Your Eyes
by Dr.Linkenshloff
Summary: A song fic that I took from the musical Rent. Right after Chas dies, and John's thoughts. Sort of a sequel to A Night of Blood and Iron.


**Title:** Your Eyes.

**Pairing:** John/Chas.

**Disclaimer** You know the drill, I don't own anything.

**Rating:** I'm going to go with a PG-13.

**Summery:** A song fic actually, something I heard and thought it was appropriate. This takes place after Chas has died and it's all John's thoughts.

I took this song from a musical called Rent, which is about a group of friends living in New York city trying to make it big while they all have AIDS and are slowly dying. The song "Your Eyes" is written by a the character Roger (who is a songwriter) for a girl that he finally realized he loved. I uploaded the song onto and you can get it a http:s24. (If the link times out, tell me and I'll upload it again)

I took quite a few liberties with the grammar of the song as well, so it may sound different in your mind than how I've written it.

I wrote this just because a plot bunny attacked me while listening to Rent (there's a surprising number on songs on there that I may be using in the future) but I have no delusions as to how good it is. Quite bad really.

* * *

_**Your eyes**_ were beautiful when you looked up at me from the floor. The cold, hard floor of a hospital. You didn't deserve this, you were so young and full of _life_. You hated hospitals, never stayed in one for very long if you could avoid it. You used to look at me with a hard glint in your eye and say in a steely voice that you would never stay in a hospital beyond a day. I suppose there's a bit of irony there that you died in one.

**_As we said our goodbyes_** you looked at me with the sudden adult realization that you weren't invincible. I hated that look. I wanted to kill the person that forced it onto your face. You deserved a long life, one where you could still have your child like knowledge and innocence, sure that everything would always be alright.

I **_can't get them out of my mind_** as I look over the city lights glittering under a night sky and I think of the things that I could have done to prevent it. If I hadn't kept him waiting in the cab all the time, perhaps just letting him watch, he might -

**_And I find I can't hide from_** the fact that I couldn't do anything about it. You would have come with me even if I'd ordered you to the other side of the earth. You were always stubborn, it drove me to distraction at times. I always wanted to throttle you whenever you'd start on about how much you knew and how you thought you were ready. Couldn't you see I was protecting you?

**_Your eyes_** would always plead with me, asking to come along. Maybe if I'd have let you, maybe if you had more experience, maybe, maybe you could have lived.

**_The ones that took me by surprise _**after you saved my life. Right after the gun had used up all its bullets; if you hadn't shot, I'd be dead by now. Your eyes looked at me right after you made that shot. They were full of fear, but life as well. I don't know if I could have made that shot. You did good kid.

**_The night you came into my life_** was a strange one. I felt a sense of kinship the moment Hennessy called me on the phone. Someone else was out there who saw the things that I saw. It didn't seem to matter that you were only sixteen, for some things, age doesn't matter.

**_Where there's moonlight_** I can still see your face that first night I saw you. The blood beginning to sketch red marks on the pale skin of your arm and your face was turned up towards my own. It was so open; you wore your emotions on your sleeve. I could see the hurt and betrayal heaped upon your shoulders by the people who were suppose to love and care for you. All I wanted to do was reach down and capture your mouth with my own and make all your pain go away.

**_I see your eyes_** still, the ones that were so full of pain when I first pulled you up off the gravel. But I also see the eyes that changed over time, the ones that slowly filled with love, love I never noticed until tonight.

**_How'd I let you slip away_** how could I betray you like your parents did? You _died_ under my care. How, how, how could I have let this happen.

_**When I'm longing so to hold you**,_ brush your hair back and kiss you senseless. I've wanted to do it for years, but always pushed those thoughts away in the end. I didn't want you to become a target; I didn't want anyone to use you against me. Because all of my defenses would have come crashing down.

**_Now I'd die for one more day_** to be beside you. I'd do whatever you wanted, take you on an exorcism, cook you dinner, or slam you up against a wall and kiss you until you beg for more.

**_'Cause there's something I should/Have told you_** a very long time ago. _**Yes there's something I should have/Told you**_

**_When I looked into your eyes_** I could see my reflection, but I didn't understand. I didn't understand.

**_Why does distance make us wise?_** I understand now. Everything I felt for you was mirrored in your eyes. If I had wanted to throw the dishes off the table from breakfast and take you right there, you would have let me and welcomed it. How could I have been so blind?

_**You were the song all along**_, the song that I heard on the radio, or from the buskar on the street. In the falling of the rain, the honks and squeals of tires, the laughter of a young girl, you were all there, through the good and the bad. Everywhere I look I can still hear traces of that song.

**_And before the song dies_** I want to commit it to memory. So I never forget.

**_I should tell you, I should tell you  
I have always loved you  
You can see it in my eyes._**

Goodbye.


End file.
